Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Chit-chat Wednesday and An Education - Keys 2





Once upon a time there was a tiny speck. No bigger than the eye of a sultana inside my body. I was unprepared for this growth. I loved travelling to Paris. I enjoyed time to myself and couldn't imagine life with a little person. And yet a little person had arrived, for there was the speck.
Five years later the speck is a pig-tailed, long-legged, cheeky, bright and intelligent Australian little girl. All the doctors worried over the speck. They had muttered the words, DOWNS and LEGS TOO SHORT and will never grow to NORMAL HEIGHT.
But doctors and women can be wrong.
I no longer travel to Paris every year. I cannot remember what it was like to have unbroken sleep, think only of myself. Those days which seemed so perfect at the time, now look like black-and-white Kansas as I twirl and whirl with Dorothy and Toto in a world of wonder and Oz. A quieter and richer world.
The speck grew into a very tall girl and I grew into a mother. A mother who last week saw her sunbeam shine her way into the first day of big school.
I remember the moment when I first saw the speck on the monitor. I had been so afraid, so unsure, so doubting of my capacity to love a child. So fearing of the loss of identity and ego that would come. And yet I sensed the speck had a soul, that there was meaning to that speck. Something passed between us. And as I stared at that tiny, formless insubstantial thing, I knew the speck was looking back at me.
Fly high my little sparrow. I have given you the keys. I love you, Daisy.
I hope you are all well. I am frantic editing Poets Cottage and attempting to prepare for our wedding. Tonight I have my bookclub meeting. My charming, whimsical, writer friend Amanda Holohan is moderating the trippy book 'Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas' and so it should be a fun night. For all the Mums and Dads who watched with a lump in their throat as their little ones started school enjoy the moment. Bittersweet and beautiful, joyous and poignant. Three cheers for us and even louder cheers for our wonderful children. xx


10 comments:

  1. Thanks Darling. I'm sure you can relate! xx

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  2. I really enjoyed this post. The way you express being a mum like that. It's just so great. I miss the unbroken sleep, but I love my daughter so much it just doesn't matter. Lot's of things that used to matter just don't anymore. And it's a good thing. Thanks Josephine.

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  3. oh yes, the roller coaster of emotion never lets up from the formation of that speck. how awful that there were preminitions of health problems and how wonderful that they were wrong. daisy looks so sweet in her school uniform, and you are a very brave mama.

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  4. Such a beautiful post! I can't wait to be a mum one day too - I never wanted it when I was young but I must be growing sentimental in my old age... xxx

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  5. What a lovely post, thank you so much for sharing. I wish I had been a little more with it really for my Daisy's first day at school, at the time, we had her baby brother in hospital from being born so prematurely, so our focus was probably spent worrying about him. Fortunately her little brother came out of hospital only a couple of days or so after her beginging school, so was lovely to have both my children at home.

    Mmmmm now my little man shall be at achool this year, don't know how I shall cope

    Hugs

    X

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  6. This gave me chills! Amazing post.

    xoxo
    Rachel

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  7. Aww, such a sweet post, Josephine! The tiny speck in your body has grown into such a beautiful little lady! She's adorable:)

    xx

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  8. Just beautiful. I loved particularly "the speck grew into a very tall girl, and I grew into a mother." I love that. While I'm not a mother yet, I often wonder whether I would be any good at it. Would I be able to give up my trips to Paris and my indulgent weekend lie-ins?! I often think I don't have enough selflessness in me to be able to do it. I love the idea of "growing" into it, adjusting and learning as I go along. I've not thought about it that way before. Thanks for the gorgeous and inspiring words :D x

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  9. Such a lovely heartfelt post Josephine and how well I know those feelings that you write about. The years pass by so quickly with our children yet the tears continue to flow, the lumps get bigger in our throats and our pride knows no bounds. The joys of motherhood...aren't we lucky? xv

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Thanks ever so for your comment! I love feedback! xx