Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Chit-chat Wednesday - Je regrette



I was on a crowded Sydney train when my mobile went. Fifteen minutes before I'd set out for my one day a week 'real job'. It was the Scribe. I could tell by his voice something had happened. "I think you had better come home," he said. And then, "I don't know how to say this."
A few seconds passed before I heard with shock that my Grandfather had died. My reaction was a very loud bursting into tears whilst the entire carriage of commuters sent silent sympathy as they did the usual Sydney thing of pretending nothing was happening.
There are times you feel guilty for mourning one who lived to such an advanced age as my Grandfather. But he is the source of so many childhood memories. A man of his time and generation, who spoke an Australian slang that you don't hear much anymore. He was snow, childhood rabbits, pine-trees, mice and guinea pigs, toast cooked in front of the fire on toasting forks. Not a perfect man; he had a snappy, crusty veneer at times which housed a very soft heart. I would watch with disbelief when he would cry over the deaths of his favourite birds. This was the same man who would behead his own poultry in the backyard without flinching. I'm sure I inherited my weeping genes from him. Forever generous and always trying to press money upon me. He was always concerned if there was enough food in my pantry. If you had a pantry full of food you were abundant. He had lied about his age to fight in World War II, and raised eight children in a very modest sized house.
His last couple of years were painful to witness. He lost his wife and then his leg, amputated due to smoking - a ghastly operation with just a local anesthetic due to his age. One can imagine the fear my Grandfather went through. He managed to stop smoking for awhile but soon resumed it. "What the bloody hell have I got left?" he would say.
He was quite a character and known throughout the Midlands. When I phoned to order a wreathfrom a neighbouring village and said his name, the funeral director said, 'Aah, it's for Rattler."
I can see him now going around the lake in his electric wheelchair, beret on his head, doggy companion Tess by his side (a dog he was always threatening to shoot if he wanted to waste a bullet).
I regret very much that for a couple of months I had thought I should send him a proper letter and photos and artwork of Daisy's. Somehow there was never enough time in my busy life - but there was always time for Facebook or the Blog.
On the day he took his last breath, I took this photograph of Daisy in our yard. "I'm going to send it to Granddad," I told the Scribe. I asked him to print me a copy of it on Monday.
I regret
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25 comments:

  1. Josephine I am so sorry. Your grandfather sounded like a wonderful man- full of character... you have my deepest condolences. That picture of your daughter is absolutely lovely- I'm sure he is looking at it from the great beyond...

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  2. Thank you sweets. Yes he was a character and Daisy is also. In fact, 'a character' is how she is described most by all who know her. His wife was buried with a large photo of Daisy as she loved her so much. I have been blessed with two big characters in my life. xx

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  3. so sorry to read of your grand dad Josephine sounds like he had an amazing life, the kind of life I feel we have truly lost with his generation, things are so different now and to have the stories of these old guys is such a treasure. Don't be too hard on yourself he knew you loved him I'm sure, I felt the same guilt when my nan died

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  4. Josephine, I'm really sorry to hear about your grandpa. You know, before we came to Australia, and even in the early days of being here, the way you describe his character is exactly how I thought of a typical Aussie - with great fondness, I may add. Over time, people aren't what I thought they would be, but your grandpa sounds like the type of man I would have loved to know. You have been blessed greatly with and by such a man in your life, and I'm sure you will never, ever forget him. I know the pain of his passing is necessary, but know that those around you are 'feeling it' for you.
    Love, xx

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  5. PS - and your Daisy is beautiful. Oh, those eyes. They'd melt you every time. And the cheeky smile. Sweet, sweet.

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  6. Thanks Linda. I've often thought that it was a shame that Granddad's stories weren't put in a book. My dad is also filled with wonderful tales of the old days in Tasmania and New Guinea. If you get the Mercury, my notice for Granddad should be in today. xx
    It's true Helen. Granddad was the last of a breed. That real Aussie digger spirit. It's the dry humour that I really relish in the Australian spirit and he sure had that in spades. Yes, Daisy is a cheeky flower there's no doubt about it! How on earth she got so big so quickly I'll never know! xx

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  7. Josephine...i'm so sorry to hear of your loss. You know, no matter how long someone lives, it's never quite long enough, is it? But he lives on in you, in Daisy....in the memories you have of him. By passing on his story, he lives on in the minds of the people you tell the story to. My thoughts are with you.....

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  8. That's really beautiful, Cat. Thank you for that comment. I agree that sometimes it never seems long enough and it's very hard to let go sometimes. I think his body had enough but he still hung around for awhile. I think that's another reason I posted this Blog today. It gave me some joy to know that with a push of a button, I had told a very small part of his story. xx

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  9. Josephine, I am so where you are right now too, with the regret of not having told them you loved them more, how much you appreciate them. However, the only emotion that lives on when someone passes over is Love. Every time you think of your grandfather you are telling him you Love him and that's special.
    Thinking of you.
    xxx

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  10. Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather - how awful that he had to lose his leg. You seem to have some strong memories of him though and he lived a good long life - it sounds like he accomplished a lot in it. There must be something in the air - in fact I said this yesterday to another blogger - I'm not spiritual or anything but there was definitely a sense of foreboding. The news headlines were awful yesterday and the weather changed from sun to a raining downpour. We also lost someone yesterday you see so maybe my instincts were right. My Godmother to MS - you can also see my entry about her on my blog today. I wasn't so close to her as you were to your Grandfather but I know her family will be devestated and my mum is having a hard time of it...Ah it is always so hard when you lose someone. I really sympathise and am sending you lots of love and good wishes. xxx

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  11. Aww, that is so sad, I'm sorry to hear it. But at least you have had so many years with your lovely grandad, and what a character he was!

    Allison x

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  12. I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. He sounded like a really amazing person. I too lost my grandmother this summer. It's so painful and so horrendous, this feeling, but we must think that they had a full life, filled with love, and they did what they wanted to do :) We must celebrate their lives, and we will always remember who they were, and smile! They will live forever in our hearts.

    I hope you're in peace.
    Much love <3

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  13. What a beautiful tribute Josephine. He sounds like a wonderful man. I'm so sorry for your loss. And thank you for the timely reminder that, while life is busy, I should make time to print out some photos and write my grandmother a letter. Thinking of you and your family xxx

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  14. Sorry to hear about your Grandfather. He sounds a lot like my Grandad who was 89 when he died 5 years ago. As much as you see them, talk to them, hug them, there is still that sense that you haven't done enough or given them enough of yourself, but actually you must have, otherwise, given his character, you would have heard about it! I might not have seen my Grandad that often in the grand scheme of things, but I was one of the few people who did not fall out with him during his life, and that's really saying something! Quality, not quantity, I say. Take care, Wendy xx

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  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, Josephine. My 93 year old grandfather died two years ago and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. Life passes all too quickly.

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  16. Oh Josephine, I am terrible sorry for your loss. You are lucky you have such wonderful memories to cherish forever.

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  17. so sorry for your loss of a loved grandfather and greatgrandpa. your post is a lovely tribute in telling something of his story and character.

    what an adorable little daisy, she looks full of fun and character too!

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  18. I am so very sorry about the loss of your beloved grandfather. I see something of his mischievously charming and filled with life smile in your Daisy. My sincerest condolences to you and to all who loved him.
    xoxo

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  19. I am sincerely sorry about the loss of your beloved grandfather. I see something of him in your Daisy. They both have smiles that reveal an undeniable charm and joie de vivre. Hugs and love to you, dear Josephine.xo

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  20. Thank you everyone for all of those lovely words and good wishes. It's really overwhelming. I know some of you have very big Blogs and big lives and to take the time to comment is deeply appreciated. My Grandfather had a very large funeral. Like his wife, there was so many people present they had to stand outside the church. And as my uncle said, more than enough food later as befits a country funeral. I am sure he would have loved the turn out as he was quite a performer and would often belt a song out on request. I will always miss him but take comfort that he did live a full life and never had to enter a nursing home. He remained in his own home with family members present to care for him. That is a blessing. xx

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  21. Your grandad sounds like an amazing person and actively played an important part in your life. I am sorry to hear your loss. Don't have regrets: a person doesn't need to see someone 24/7 to hold them dear in their heart and appreciate and feel pride, which I am sure your grandad did of you and your little family.

    Lovely tribute. xx

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  22. I am so very sorry Josephine, such a wonderful man - you will really miss him. xv

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  23. Hi Josephine,
    My thoughts are with you, even if a little late, my apologies, I only now was catching up on your blog a bit.
    Hugs and kisses from me and the boys
    Anne-Renee xx

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  24. Thanks lovely Anne. I have been meaning to write to you but things have been hectic here. I will send you an email soon. Kisses back to you all. xx

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